...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
