somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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