I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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