i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
