$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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