peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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