ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
