Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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