I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
