you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
BRING THE BAGELS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
