My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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