My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
