can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
