it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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