haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
