can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
