I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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