one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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