Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were trust falling into bushes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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