My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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