she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
