Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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