You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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