What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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