I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
