he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
