I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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