No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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