She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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