his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
