Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
