woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
