I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
