so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
