Your face is a jimmy john
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
