...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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