Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
