watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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