i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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