I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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