Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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