My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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