He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize