Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
