My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
