"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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