Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
