I should be sponsored by Trojan
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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