ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That accounts for only three of the penises
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
