I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
