why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
