She is in my trunk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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