we have officially lost it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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