my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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