Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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