so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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