Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ok first of all what the fuck
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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