I can text with my tongue
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
