i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He shit in the fireplace
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
