ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
