in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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