Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
