it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
