haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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