Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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