Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Randomize
