One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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