I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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