Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
